Friday, January 06, 2006
Where to begin...?
It has been quite some time since I last wrote in here, and for that I apologize. However, that isn't the reason for the title of this entry.
My cousin Josh died tonight, from an apparent suicide.
For those of you that don't know, other than my immediate family, he was the family member I was closest to. I really can't remember the last time I cried this much. Although we aren't blood related (his grandma married my grandpa ~6 years ago, but they've been together since I can first remember), he was 16 days older than me and our close proximity in age meant we ALWAYS hung out together whenever I was in Othello. He was my only cousin that was my age, and we were pretty much inseparable. Once we got the freedom of drivers licences, we would always cruise "the L" in town, hang out with his friends, or head on up to Moses (Lake), all the while causing trouble. Even though he was slightly older, I graduated a year before him. He came over to my graduation, met a bunch of my friends, and went to a graduation party down the street. A year later, I watched his and his friends' graduation ceremony and went to a few of their parties (even the senior class one at the bowling alley before my other cousin Shannon and I were kicked out). He was there and helped me when I moved to WSU for my freshman year. Whenever I was spending the night in Othello, I always stayed at his house even though my grandparents live about a mile away. We'd always stay up late talkin about or doing who knows what. The last time I saw him was the day after Christmas... I had spent Christmas night at his house and true to our style, we were up late BSing. He called and left a message for me (my phone never rang) on New Years, but when I called him back his phone was off. Now, I'll never get the chance again.
The worst part about it is that I NEVER saw it coming. Granted, I don't get to see him much since we're normally 2-3 hours away from each other, but I just saw him 10 days ago and he seemed so happy. He had just installed a new $200 clutch in his "new" car that he was really excited about... we went and bought an adapter that turns a jumpdrive into an mp3 player for his car stereo... he had a stable full-time job working for his dad... he had a girlfriend who he seemed happy with. And now: nothing. I don't know what happened since then, but now my family has lost a beloved grandson, son, brother, and cousin, and on top of that I have lost a close friend. I feel so helpless for his family... I stayed with them so much they are like my second family. Behind the house in Pullman for school and my mom's new house in Spanaway, their home was literally my third house. I'm going to stop there for quite some time on Saturday on my trek back to school, but it's going to be the saddest trip of my life. I have this strange and discomforting feeling that everytime they see me, they're going to see Josh too. Holy crap it's gonna be hard...
To make matters worse, this past year has been pretty bad for my family. First, back in the beginning of March, my Uncle Scott collapsed in his apartment and was VERY close to dying. Fortunately, his daughter Kendall was there to call the paramedics. Unfortunately, he spent the next 30+ days in the ICU and underwent NUMEROUS surgeries to fix internal organ damage that apparently stemmed from his drinking and smoking. He then spent time in a nursing home, and wasn't able to come home until July. He then stayed with my grandpa in Othello until the end of November, and has been staying with my mom since. THEN, a couple weeks ago, he was feeling really weak so my mom took him into the ER. They diagnosed him with diabetes, and he had a blood sugar level of over 700. (FYI: around 10o is normal, and 800 results in diabetic coma). After a few days in the hospital, they got his blood sugar under control and now he has to take insulin shots and, like my mom (who has a less severe case of diabetes), monitor his blood sugar levels. Shortly after my uncle's problems started, my "cousin" Al (on my dad's side, I'm not exactly sure of how we're related) died in his sleep on March 26th at the age of 77. The summer and beginning of fall were mostly uneventful... until October/November. Shortly after being diagnosed with cancer, my grandpa's wife's mother (Josh's great-grandmother) died after suffering a collapsed lung. Then on Veteran's Day (Nov. 11th), my aunt's best-friend's husband died while driving his motorcycle to work after an SUV turned in front of him in Seattle. I've known him most of my life as well... and at the age of 43, he left behind a loving wife (Judy) and two adorable daughters. Needless to say, we were hoping for a better 2006.
I got this from a friend a while back, and now is as good a time as any to share it with you:
Rest In Peace Josh. I'll never forget you cuz.
My cousin Josh died tonight, from an apparent suicide.
For those of you that don't know, other than my immediate family, he was the family member I was closest to. I really can't remember the last time I cried this much. Although we aren't blood related (his grandma married my grandpa ~6 years ago, but they've been together since I can first remember), he was 16 days older than me and our close proximity in age meant we ALWAYS hung out together whenever I was in Othello. He was my only cousin that was my age, and we were pretty much inseparable. Once we got the freedom of drivers licences, we would always cruise "the L" in town, hang out with his friends, or head on up to Moses (Lake), all the while causing trouble. Even though he was slightly older, I graduated a year before him. He came over to my graduation, met a bunch of my friends, and went to a graduation party down the street. A year later, I watched his and his friends' graduation ceremony and went to a few of their parties (even the senior class one at the bowling alley before my other cousin Shannon and I were kicked out). He was there and helped me when I moved to WSU for my freshman year. Whenever I was spending the night in Othello, I always stayed at his house even though my grandparents live about a mile away. We'd always stay up late talkin about or doing who knows what. The last time I saw him was the day after Christmas... I had spent Christmas night at his house and true to our style, we were up late BSing. He called and left a message for me (my phone never rang) on New Years, but when I called him back his phone was off. Now, I'll never get the chance again.
The worst part about it is that I NEVER saw it coming. Granted, I don't get to see him much since we're normally 2-3 hours away from each other, but I just saw him 10 days ago and he seemed so happy. He had just installed a new $200 clutch in his "new" car that he was really excited about... we went and bought an adapter that turns a jumpdrive into an mp3 player for his car stereo... he had a stable full-time job working for his dad... he had a girlfriend who he seemed happy with. And now: nothing. I don't know what happened since then, but now my family has lost a beloved grandson, son, brother, and cousin, and on top of that I have lost a close friend. I feel so helpless for his family... I stayed with them so much they are like my second family. Behind the house in Pullman for school and my mom's new house in Spanaway, their home was literally my third house. I'm going to stop there for quite some time on Saturday on my trek back to school, but it's going to be the saddest trip of my life. I have this strange and discomforting feeling that everytime they see me, they're going to see Josh too. Holy crap it's gonna be hard...
To make matters worse, this past year has been pretty bad for my family. First, back in the beginning of March, my Uncle Scott collapsed in his apartment and was VERY close to dying. Fortunately, his daughter Kendall was there to call the paramedics. Unfortunately, he spent the next 30+ days in the ICU and underwent NUMEROUS surgeries to fix internal organ damage that apparently stemmed from his drinking and smoking. He then spent time in a nursing home, and wasn't able to come home until July. He then stayed with my grandpa in Othello until the end of November, and has been staying with my mom since. THEN, a couple weeks ago, he was feeling really weak so my mom took him into the ER. They diagnosed him with diabetes, and he had a blood sugar level of over 700. (FYI: around 10o is normal, and 800 results in diabetic coma). After a few days in the hospital, they got his blood sugar under control and now he has to take insulin shots and, like my mom (who has a less severe case of diabetes), monitor his blood sugar levels. Shortly after my uncle's problems started, my "cousin" Al (on my dad's side, I'm not exactly sure of how we're related) died in his sleep on March 26th at the age of 77. The summer and beginning of fall were mostly uneventful... until October/November. Shortly after being diagnosed with cancer, my grandpa's wife's mother (Josh's great-grandmother) died after suffering a collapsed lung. Then on Veteran's Day (Nov. 11th), my aunt's best-friend's husband died while driving his motorcycle to work after an SUV turned in front of him in Seattle. I've known him most of my life as well... and at the age of 43, he left behind a loving wife (Judy) and two adorable daughters. Needless to say, we were hoping for a better 2006.
I got this from a friend a while back, and now is as good a time as any to share it with you:
If I knew it would be the last time, I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the lord your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and a kiss and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted in praise, I would videotape each action and word and play them back day after day. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything seem right. There will always be another day to say our, "I love you's," and certainly another chance to say our, "anything I can do's." But just in case I might be wrong and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone young or old alike, and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved ones tight. So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day. That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug or a kiss, and you were too busy to grant someone what turned out their one last wish. So hold your loved ones close today and whisper in their ear, that you love them very much and you'll always hold them dear. Take time to say, "I'm sorry," "please forgive me," "thank you, or "it's okay" and if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.
Rest In Peace Josh. I'll never forget you cuz.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
This is for Ryan:
STOP KILLING MY FRIENDS! You Myspace Phantom you. You'll get an update over Winter Break... if I don't do it then, you have my permission to resume your activities until I do update it.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Finally hit 10
So, since I've had such tremendous outpouring of support for this blog (aka: 10 different people left a comment), y'all can expect a nice long entry sometime in the near future (but not too near because I do have schoolwork to do and I'm a slow blog writer).
Can I get a w00t w00t?
Can I get a w00t w00t?
Monday, August 22, 2005
Psst...
Hey you...
Yeah, you...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!
In other news, I'm thinking about writing a post recapping the events of my life since the last update, but to do that, I'm gonna need to see some comments from EVERYONE that checks this with some frequency. I'm talkin, at least 10 people. If I don't get more than that, I'm probably going to stop using this thing entirely, because it honestly feels like I'm writing in here for Ryan (since he's pretty much the only once that comments, which I love him dearly for), and he already knows everything that's in here. So... yeah.
Oh, and if I catch anyone using aliases, checking this in the future would be incredibly futile as well. (When people lie = big pet peeve of mine)
Yeah, you...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!
In other news, I'm thinking about writing a post recapping the events of my life since the last update, but to do that, I'm gonna need to see some comments from EVERYONE that checks this with some frequency. I'm talkin, at least 10 people. If I don't get more than that, I'm probably going to stop using this thing entirely, because it honestly feels like I'm writing in here for Ryan (since he's pretty much the only once that comments, which I love him dearly for), and he already knows everything that's in here. So... yeah.
Oh, and if I catch anyone using aliases, checking this in the future would be incredibly futile as well. (When people lie = big pet peeve of mine)
Friday, July 15, 2005
House Update
Before I begin, a quick update on the house situation:
Ours: SOLD
New one: PURCHASED
So yeah... we found out on Sunday (the 10th) that the buyers had agreed to buy our house for list price. So that means, our house sold in ONE WEEK. Just another example of how crazy the market currently is.
Because of that, we spent Sunday afternoon looking at a couple houses... one of which had an indoors hot tub and a couple sun rooms but needed some work done on the walls, and the other was in great condition and a very nice house. My mom was very excited about the 2nd one and decided to put in an offer on it, but we found out the next day that someone else had put in a bid $5000 over list price... and she couldn't go there (financially). So... she spent much of this week looking online for more houses and printing out the listings and such.
Yesterday morning (Wednesday), she calls and wakes me up to ask if I want to come check out another house that's about 6-7 minutes away. I reluctantly agreed... and wasn't all that impressed with it. We left there, and decided to go look at another one nearby... only to find out that it had already been sold. So... having nothing else to do, I came back home. A few hours later, my mom calls me and tells me she's gonna look at a house in Classic View (it's a gated neighborhood really close to my high school), that had only been on the market for 2 HOURS! I get another call a short while later, telling me she loved the house and was planning on putting in an offer on it. We found out last night, that they had accepted our offer! That means, that their house was only on the market A FEW HOURS! INSANE!
So yeah... since I hadn't seen it yet, I drove by there today to check it out. I had a little problem with finding it (cuz the street that was listed online doesn't exist), but I talked to the neighbor across the street and even the homeowners... and they were all VERY nice people. I'm excited to move in now. Anywho... I thought ahead and brought my camera... so that means pictures for you loyal readers. Here ya go :)
The front of the house
The kitchen
The large, dual-level back deck
The path between a couple rose gardens on the side of the garage
Whatcha think?
Ours: SOLD
New one: PURCHASED
So yeah... we found out on Sunday (the 10th) that the buyers had agreed to buy our house for list price. So that means, our house sold in ONE WEEK. Just another example of how crazy the market currently is.
Because of that, we spent Sunday afternoon looking at a couple houses... one of which had an indoors hot tub and a couple sun rooms but needed some work done on the walls, and the other was in great condition and a very nice house. My mom was very excited about the 2nd one and decided to put in an offer on it, but we found out the next day that someone else had put in a bid $5000 over list price... and she couldn't go there (financially). So... she spent much of this week looking online for more houses and printing out the listings and such.
Yesterday morning (Wednesday), she calls and wakes me up to ask if I want to come check out another house that's about 6-7 minutes away. I reluctantly agreed... and wasn't all that impressed with it. We left there, and decided to go look at another one nearby... only to find out that it had already been sold. So... having nothing else to do, I came back home. A few hours later, my mom calls me and tells me she's gonna look at a house in Classic View (it's a gated neighborhood really close to my high school), that had only been on the market for 2 HOURS! I get another call a short while later, telling me she loved the house and was planning on putting in an offer on it. We found out last night, that they had accepted our offer! That means, that their house was only on the market A FEW HOURS! INSANE!
So yeah... since I hadn't seen it yet, I drove by there today to check it out. I had a little problem with finding it (cuz the street that was listed online doesn't exist), but I talked to the neighbor across the street and even the homeowners... and they were all VERY nice people. I'm excited to move in now. Anywho... I thought ahead and brought my camera... so that means pictures for you loyal readers. Here ya go :)
The front of the house
The kitchen
The large, dual-level back deck
The path between a couple rose gardens on the side of the garage
Whatcha think?
Friday, July 08, 2005
Going for the record books...
Okay, so our house has been on the market since Sunday (July 3rd), right? We've already had 5 different couples come look at the house (one M, T, W, and 2 today)... and the second couple today made us an offer that is 98.3% of the list price (I don't want to reveal how much that is cuz I don't know if mum will like that...).
FOUR DAYS after it went on the market and we already have a pretty solid offer, if you ask me. I'm encouraging my mom to take it... so that I 1) can help pack/move MY/our crap (I actually kinda like doing that), 2) will have something to do other than yardwork for the next few weeks, 3) will get high-speed internet, and 4) won't have to worry about leaving every frickin time someone wants to come look at the house (that's SOOOO annoying). We'll see how things turn out in the next few days though...
And, as for my Independence Day...
I started it off by going to my friend Bryant's house for a BBQ, then we played some Xbox and just hung out. At about 7:30, I headed over to Shannon's aunt's house in Spanaway for a country themed partay. Of course, I was all decked out in my new cowboy hat and new dancing shirt (Whatcha think?). Shannon's aunt, who was a little trashed by the time I got there, absolutely LOVED my "outfit" and seriously offered me a shot of some sorta alcohol within a couple minutes of my arrival.
The party was pretty fun though... we played a game of "backyard" volleyball, there was a "horse" in the backyard (it's was a few bales of hay with a saddle on top, as seen in my picture), and of course, lots of fireworks. Not only did I get to hang out with my good friend Shannon again, but my friend Nick (who I've known since 1st grade) was there cuz he knew Shannon's cousin, and I got to know Lauren (Shannon's best friend and maid of honor) and John (Shannon's fiancee). They're some cool kids... I can see why she likes them.
It was a low-key 4th, as far as me and fireworks are concerned (compared to years past), but still A LOT of fun.
Now, if we could only work on our terrorist relations to eliminate future happenings of today's events... :(
FOUR DAYS after it went on the market and we already have a pretty solid offer, if you ask me. I'm encouraging my mom to take it... so that I 1) can help pack/move MY/our crap (I actually kinda like doing that), 2) will have something to do other than yardwork for the next few weeks, 3) will get high-speed internet, and 4) won't have to worry about leaving every frickin time someone wants to come look at the house (that's SOOOO annoying). We'll see how things turn out in the next few days though...
And, as for my Independence Day...
I started it off by going to my friend Bryant's house for a BBQ, then we played some Xbox and just hung out. At about 7:30, I headed over to Shannon's aunt's house in Spanaway for a country themed partay. Of course, I was all decked out in my new cowboy hat and new dancing shirt (Whatcha think?). Shannon's aunt, who was a little trashed by the time I got there, absolutely LOVED my "outfit" and seriously offered me a shot of some sorta alcohol within a couple minutes of my arrival.
The party was pretty fun though... we played a game of "backyard" volleyball, there was a "horse" in the backyard (it's was a few bales of hay with a saddle on top, as seen in my picture), and of course, lots of fireworks. Not only did I get to hang out with my good friend Shannon again, but my friend Nick (who I've known since 1st grade) was there cuz he knew Shannon's cousin, and I got to know Lauren (Shannon's best friend and maid of honor) and John (Shannon's fiancee). They're some cool kids... I can see why she likes them.
It was a low-key 4th, as far as me and fireworks are concerned (compared to years past), but still A LOT of fun.
Now, if we could only work on our terrorist relations to eliminate future happenings of today's events... :(
Saturday, July 02, 2005
So true...
Sometimes a friend will ask me if I want to get together. Me, being a person who thrives on relationships with other persons and yet has related with hardly anyone so far this entire summer, am generally happy to oblige and respond in the affirmative.
But then comes the dreaded question. "So, what do you want to do?"
Nobody wants to answer that question. My problem is that I'm most happy when I'm spending quality time with people. And quality time can mean anything, from the planned outdoor activity to laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling for a few hours. I appreciate being in the presence of people that I care about and I want them to be happy. What we're doing truly has little bearing on how I feel about the situation.
This lends itself to a problem, however. Because my response has a habit of being something along the lines of, "Oh, I don't really care, what are you in the mood for?" I think that, to many people, this kind of response tends to convey the idea that I am uninterested or don't really want to spend time with the person. If I can't even come up with something I'd like to do, I can't really care if the interaction takes place at all, right?
Wrong. Dead wrong. Absolutely brimming over with wrongability. The fact is that the context of quality time means so little to me that I would rather leave the decision up to people who might be more affected by it. I just think that it puts a lot of people off when I don't care about the setting or the activity as much as the fact that I'm just spending time with people.
Those are the words of my dear friend Ryan Scott Douglas (there's a link to his blog on the right, in case you didn't know), and they couldn't be more true for myself as well. That's not such a good thing, considering many of the people that I spend most of my time with are the same way... but oh well. It's the quality time that matters, right?
Anyways... I don't really enjoy writing a recap of my life's events, nor do I have time to actually write it, so my posts are likely to be few and far between. I'd expect one sometime soon about moving (as in, houses) though... since that's what's currently transpiring.
I'm going to alter the GUESSING GAME for this entry, and make it a "GIVE ME A NICKNAME GAME." You should be able to figure out what to do...
Oh, and this is for Peter: If we could just keep the comments more appropriate from now on, that'd be great...
All right!
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Change
A photograph never grows old. You and I change, people change all through the months and years, but a photograph always remains the same. How nice to look at a photograph of mother or father taken many years ago. You see them as you remember them. But as people live on, they change completely." -Albert Einstein.
Lately, I have noticed that last sentence to be more and more true. And I'm not sure it's change in a good way (although, what is meant by "good" is subjective).
Some friends no longer resemble the people I remember them as, for whatever reason... and it's something that honestly saddens me. It's tough to see those close to you change into people you never thought they'd be. And it's even worse when it's someone you're interested in or involved with romantically, but realize that they have changed into someone that is no longer appealing as a spouse.
It's really hard to hear about friends that used to vow to live sober lives but have turned into alcoholics and partiers. I'm not trying to disrespect those people who live that lifestyle, but it's just not for me. I could go on for hours why... but we'll just leave it at this: the logic behind it doesn't make sense to me.
Similar to this is how people change because of relationships, whether that be while they're in one or after it's over (I know I'm guilty of this). It may be because of personality dispositions or control issues or whatever, but I just feel helpless when people change (for the worse) into someone they aren't. I've witnessed this numerous times with friends who were/are in bad relationships and 1) is one of the worst feelings out there, and 2) makes me want to severely injure their spouse/ex. (I'm kinda protective of those I care about, in case you couldn't tell)
Change is a natural process in everyone's life, including my own, and is required for progress. However, not all changes are improvements.
I ask of all of you that if you notice a negative change in me, do not hesitate in confronting me about it. I like to think of myself as having a good understanding of who I am and what I want, but I know I'm far from perfect. I'm always open to suggestions of ways to make myself a better person and friend.
Lately, I have noticed that last sentence to be more and more true. And I'm not sure it's change in a good way (although, what is meant by "good" is subjective).
Some friends no longer resemble the people I remember them as, for whatever reason... and it's something that honestly saddens me. It's tough to see those close to you change into people you never thought they'd be. And it's even worse when it's someone you're interested in or involved with romantically, but realize that they have changed into someone that is no longer appealing as a spouse.
It's really hard to hear about friends that used to vow to live sober lives but have turned into alcoholics and partiers. I'm not trying to disrespect those people who live that lifestyle, but it's just not for me. I could go on for hours why... but we'll just leave it at this: the logic behind it doesn't make sense to me.
Similar to this is how people change because of relationships, whether that be while they're in one or after it's over (I know I'm guilty of this). It may be because of personality dispositions or control issues or whatever, but I just feel helpless when people change (for the worse) into someone they aren't. I've witnessed this numerous times with friends who were/are in bad relationships and 1) is one of the worst feelings out there, and 2) makes me want to severely injure their spouse/ex. (I'm kinda protective of those I care about, in case you couldn't tell)
Change is a natural process in everyone's life, including my own, and is required for progress. However, not all changes are improvements.
I ask of all of you that if you notice a negative change in me, do not hesitate in confronting me about it. I like to think of myself as having a good understanding of who I am and what I want, but I know I'm far from perfect. I'm always open to suggestions of ways to make myself a better person and friend.
