Friday, January 06, 2006
Where to begin...?
It has been quite some time since I last wrote in here, and for that I apologize. However, that isn't the reason for the title of this entry.
My cousin Josh died tonight, from an apparent suicide.
For those of you that don't know, other than my immediate family, he was the family member I was closest to. I really can't remember the last time I cried this much. Although we aren't blood related (his grandma married my grandpa ~6 years ago, but they've been together since I can first remember), he was 16 days older than me and our close proximity in age meant we ALWAYS hung out together whenever I was in Othello. He was my only cousin that was my age, and we were pretty much inseparable. Once we got the freedom of drivers licences, we would always cruise "the L" in town, hang out with his friends, or head on up to Moses (Lake), all the while causing trouble. Even though he was slightly older, I graduated a year before him. He came over to my graduation, met a bunch of my friends, and went to a graduation party down the street. A year later, I watched his and his friends' graduation ceremony and went to a few of their parties (even the senior class one at the bowling alley before my other cousin Shannon and I were kicked out). He was there and helped me when I moved to WSU for my freshman year. Whenever I was spending the night in Othello, I always stayed at his house even though my grandparents live about a mile away. We'd always stay up late talkin about or doing who knows what. The last time I saw him was the day after Christmas... I had spent Christmas night at his house and true to our style, we were up late BSing. He called and left a message for me (my phone never rang) on New Years, but when I called him back his phone was off. Now, I'll never get the chance again.
The worst part about it is that I NEVER saw it coming. Granted, I don't get to see him much since we're normally 2-3 hours away from each other, but I just saw him 10 days ago and he seemed so happy. He had just installed a new $200 clutch in his "new" car that he was really excited about... we went and bought an adapter that turns a jumpdrive into an mp3 player for his car stereo... he had a stable full-time job working for his dad... he had a girlfriend who he seemed happy with. And now: nothing. I don't know what happened since then, but now my family has lost a beloved grandson, son, brother, and cousin, and on top of that I have lost a close friend. I feel so helpless for his family... I stayed with them so much they are like my second family. Behind the house in Pullman for school and my mom's new house in Spanaway, their home was literally my third house. I'm going to stop there for quite some time on Saturday on my trek back to school, but it's going to be the saddest trip of my life. I have this strange and discomforting feeling that everytime they see me, they're going to see Josh too. Holy crap it's gonna be hard...
To make matters worse, this past year has been pretty bad for my family. First, back in the beginning of March, my Uncle Scott collapsed in his apartment and was VERY close to dying. Fortunately, his daughter Kendall was there to call the paramedics. Unfortunately, he spent the next 30+ days in the ICU and underwent NUMEROUS surgeries to fix internal organ damage that apparently stemmed from his drinking and smoking. He then spent time in a nursing home, and wasn't able to come home until July. He then stayed with my grandpa in Othello until the end of November, and has been staying with my mom since. THEN, a couple weeks ago, he was feeling really weak so my mom took him into the ER. They diagnosed him with diabetes, and he had a blood sugar level of over 700. (FYI: around 10o is normal, and 800 results in diabetic coma). After a few days in the hospital, they got his blood sugar under control and now he has to take insulin shots and, like my mom (who has a less severe case of diabetes), monitor his blood sugar levels. Shortly after my uncle's problems started, my "cousin" Al (on my dad's side, I'm not exactly sure of how we're related) died in his sleep on March 26th at the age of 77. The summer and beginning of fall were mostly uneventful... until October/November. Shortly after being diagnosed with cancer, my grandpa's wife's mother (Josh's great-grandmother) died after suffering a collapsed lung. Then on Veteran's Day (Nov. 11th), my aunt's best-friend's husband died while driving his motorcycle to work after an SUV turned in front of him in Seattle. I've known him most of my life as well... and at the age of 43, he left behind a loving wife (Judy) and two adorable daughters. Needless to say, we were hoping for a better 2006.
I got this from a friend a while back, and now is as good a time as any to share it with you:
Rest In Peace Josh. I'll never forget you cuz.
My cousin Josh died tonight, from an apparent suicide.
For those of you that don't know, other than my immediate family, he was the family member I was closest to. I really can't remember the last time I cried this much. Although we aren't blood related (his grandma married my grandpa ~6 years ago, but they've been together since I can first remember), he was 16 days older than me and our close proximity in age meant we ALWAYS hung out together whenever I was in Othello. He was my only cousin that was my age, and we were pretty much inseparable. Once we got the freedom of drivers licences, we would always cruise "the L" in town, hang out with his friends, or head on up to Moses (Lake), all the while causing trouble. Even though he was slightly older, I graduated a year before him. He came over to my graduation, met a bunch of my friends, and went to a graduation party down the street. A year later, I watched his and his friends' graduation ceremony and went to a few of their parties (even the senior class one at the bowling alley before my other cousin Shannon and I were kicked out). He was there and helped me when I moved to WSU for my freshman year. Whenever I was spending the night in Othello, I always stayed at his house even though my grandparents live about a mile away. We'd always stay up late talkin about or doing who knows what. The last time I saw him was the day after Christmas... I had spent Christmas night at his house and true to our style, we were up late BSing. He called and left a message for me (my phone never rang) on New Years, but when I called him back his phone was off. Now, I'll never get the chance again.
The worst part about it is that I NEVER saw it coming. Granted, I don't get to see him much since we're normally 2-3 hours away from each other, but I just saw him 10 days ago and he seemed so happy. He had just installed a new $200 clutch in his "new" car that he was really excited about... we went and bought an adapter that turns a jumpdrive into an mp3 player for his car stereo... he had a stable full-time job working for his dad... he had a girlfriend who he seemed happy with. And now: nothing. I don't know what happened since then, but now my family has lost a beloved grandson, son, brother, and cousin, and on top of that I have lost a close friend. I feel so helpless for his family... I stayed with them so much they are like my second family. Behind the house in Pullman for school and my mom's new house in Spanaway, their home was literally my third house. I'm going to stop there for quite some time on Saturday on my trek back to school, but it's going to be the saddest trip of my life. I have this strange and discomforting feeling that everytime they see me, they're going to see Josh too. Holy crap it's gonna be hard...
To make matters worse, this past year has been pretty bad for my family. First, back in the beginning of March, my Uncle Scott collapsed in his apartment and was VERY close to dying. Fortunately, his daughter Kendall was there to call the paramedics. Unfortunately, he spent the next 30+ days in the ICU and underwent NUMEROUS surgeries to fix internal organ damage that apparently stemmed from his drinking and smoking. He then spent time in a nursing home, and wasn't able to come home until July. He then stayed with my grandpa in Othello until the end of November, and has been staying with my mom since. THEN, a couple weeks ago, he was feeling really weak so my mom took him into the ER. They diagnosed him with diabetes, and he had a blood sugar level of over 700. (FYI: around 10o is normal, and 800 results in diabetic coma). After a few days in the hospital, they got his blood sugar under control and now he has to take insulin shots and, like my mom (who has a less severe case of diabetes), monitor his blood sugar levels. Shortly after my uncle's problems started, my "cousin" Al (on my dad's side, I'm not exactly sure of how we're related) died in his sleep on March 26th at the age of 77. The summer and beginning of fall were mostly uneventful... until October/November. Shortly after being diagnosed with cancer, my grandpa's wife's mother (Josh's great-grandmother) died after suffering a collapsed lung. Then on Veteran's Day (Nov. 11th), my aunt's best-friend's husband died while driving his motorcycle to work after an SUV turned in front of him in Seattle. I've known him most of my life as well... and at the age of 43, he left behind a loving wife (Judy) and two adorable daughters. Needless to say, we were hoping for a better 2006.
I got this from a friend a while back, and now is as good a time as any to share it with you:
If I knew it would be the last time, I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the lord your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and a kiss and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted in praise, I would videotape each action and word and play them back day after day. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything seem right. There will always be another day to say our, "I love you's," and certainly another chance to say our, "anything I can do's." But just in case I might be wrong and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone young or old alike, and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved ones tight. So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day. That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug or a kiss, and you were too busy to grant someone what turned out their one last wish. So hold your loved ones close today and whisper in their ear, that you love them very much and you'll always hold them dear. Take time to say, "I'm sorry," "please forgive me," "thank you, or "it's okay" and if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.
Rest In Peace Josh. I'll never forget you cuz.
